To My Dearest Mom:

Picked too soon!!!

Mom I miss you. It has been over a month since God embraced you in His Arms. Taken from your weakened body to be with OUR heavenly Father. I know you are no longer in pain and agony, oh how I hate CANCER!!! I know you are in a better place. Yet, it doesn’t change the fact that I miss you. Is that selfish?

The days are not the same without you here, I have wanted to pick up the phone and call you many times. There is a void in me, something missing. It’s you, my dear Mom. I am attempting to self-heal, with the help of prayer of course. I would love to hear your voice, I need you to comfort me. You did instill in me a great sense of faith. There was a part of me removed the day you passed on. Yet with my faith, I feel a connection to you.

Momma do you forgive me…I never in my mind even imagined you dying. Really I believed God for a total and ultimate healing. Was I naïve or was I blind? Or was it a daughter just not wanting to let go. Whatever the case was, did I put undue pressure on you to fight? Please forgive me!!! There were so many words left unsaid. Promises I was not able to keep. Please, my dear Mom, will you forgive me.

God has placed so many wonderful people in my life to comfort me since you went home. Mostly newcomers, a lot of people I thought to be friends went astray. Yet the unique thing is these newcomers understood my pain because we shared a common grief, loss of a parent. We are the collection of vines without roses…we comfort one another. I thank God for them…

There is one thing that is for sure about grieving, it can be an emotional roller coaster, at times. There are ups and downs, but I can’t stay down too long. I may not be able to get back up as quickly as quickly as I would like. Get out of the place of grief. How long will this last. Am I destined to grieve forever. This is one time I am going to have to pick myself up and trust God and the process of healing. I am learning how to move forward. I am learning how to take my grief and place it in a positive place. I am still hurting but dwelling in this place will not bring you back. I want to reinvest my emotional energy in a positive way. How do I give life to your death?

You instilled so much in me, good ole fashion values. I learned about womanhood by watching and listening to you. You are the reason for the order and discipline I walk in. I want to give life to otherd by encouraging others as you had and making sacrifices for other just like you…I want to do it with dignity and give GOD all the glory.

Gone at such a young age, picked too soon, yet you placed so many seeds of potential in all you left behind. I know love, patience, virtue, kindness, strength, devotion, dedication and most of all FAITH because of you MOM. As I am one of the vines you left behind, one day I will be a rose just like you…