Aneatria A. Johnson

Diary of a Rib In Waiting

  July 9, 2018

Yesterday was Sunday, and it was again like the past couple of weeks another soul-searching day. I am on a quest like no other. I am 42 years young and I need my purpose to be defined. I have been there for others and now I have to find the path that God wants to use me on. I need fulfillment. I want something for me, is that selfish. I want love, friendships, and purpose. Simple yet not reachable not on the level I am on now. I meet people only to build associations not deep connections. Lonely and peaceful at this same time. I must admit after losing so much I have built a fear on getting close to people because losing them hurts whether by death, disappointment or disassociation it creates a pain I don’t think I am willing to endure too many more times. So maybe this place of loneliness is self-created, some form of self-defense mechanism. My own personal shield, that has left me in a place of hiding. I want to come out of hiding so I have been on this soul-searching.

I began visiting a store-front church in Chicago. My first time visiting a year or more ago I was blessed by The Word of God yet I was turned away by the interaction with some of the church goers… Now that has since changed I go there JUST for the turn to your neighbors moments… Or hug three people. I needed the human connection. You never know how deprived you are until THAT person takes you in their arms and hugs you tight with a sincere love. Don’t take those moments of kindness for granted. Hug your neighbor. HUG them tight

Yet and still I dart out of the church like an awkward teenager, straight to the car. Not use to all the love, no it’s not that I just don’t want to care. Care means I have to get involved. Caring means becoming vulnerable. Caring means to love. Darn too late, I think I am loving this church. God is elevating my heart and my mind. I feel myself growing and being enriched. There is no drama I see at this moment and I LOVE THAT!!! NO judgment ZONE and we all need that to grow. I have been praying for God to send me to a people that need me, never did or could I imagine how much I needed them and the word that is being fed to me is LIKE WOW…Their tagline for the ministry is, “A Place to Become” My God what are You up and who am I becoming on this NEXT level…

I am excited about who I AM BECOMING…