I STOPPED TALKING

Me, Oh yes me! I have nothing else to say. Well, I actually do have something of relevance to say, I just decided it was time to hold back.  I am drained. I recently lost my mother right before Christmas and that loss has hit me hard. I am nowhere close to getting over it emotionally or under it as understanding the WHY. One thing is for certain, I learned a lot about people, during My Mom’s illness, and after her passing. It is the reason I have stopped talking. I wish I had more people in my life that were a comfort to me as I am to them, yet I do find solace in praying.  I found myself putting unrealistic expectations in those I have invested a lot of heart into (notice I didn’t say time or money) hoping to receive back what I shared in them. That was definitely not the case. WAIT this is not one of those bitter rants. There is a silver lining at the end of this. Now I wanted to get bitter. Oh, Baby yes I wanted to rain down all the ill will that was building inside of me, but I couldn’t. Yes, I could not, meaning I had control of what the outcome was going to be, self-control at its finest. So I stopped talking. I stopped answering the phone and responding to text messages. I stopped. It was making me angry like THE HULK.  Broken promises, excuses and the rudest words of comfort were becoming insulting. I even had two marriage proposal and solicitation of sex, and family members asking me to help them get to my mom’s funeral, I couldn’t make this up if I wanted to…so I stopped talking. I blocked and deleted and set up boundaries. Then I did the best thing I could do, I went into prayer mode. I created an environment of peace among the madness. I was in search of my sanity.

There is one thing about grieving it comes in spurts of emotions. I would find myself buried in sorrow and then guilt and then anger…all I wanted to do was WAKE Up out of this horrible nightmare. I needed to talk, I wanted to talk but I had no one to listen to Neat. I would have a call come in or go out to eat and the conversation was about them…smh!!! So I initiated the silence mode…I stopped talking about me. I listened. I have learned not everyone is equipped to hear the sorrow within me. Most people are used to me being the motivator, the cheerleader, the minister, the comforter, the interceder/prayer warrior but not Neat the griever. Again I found myself in prayer. Seeking and searching for a form of comfort/comforter. I needed to be replenished I needed to be restored…I stopped talking. I stopped saying things of substance and just decided to be…

BE WHAT

TO BE Quiet

Waiting on the instructions of GOD as I go through the healing process. Sometimes it is necessary so we will not say things we will live to regret. Our words have power and should be spoken with authority and released responsibly.

Yes, it can be that simple            …

Proverbs 29:11; Proverbs 10:19; I Chronicles 16:11; Ecclesiastes 3:7; Luke 5:16