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DIARY

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I Am Becoming

Aneatria A. Johnson

Diary of a Rib In Waiting

I AM WOMAN (Series)

  July 9, 2018

Yesterday was Sunday, and it was again like the past couple of weeks another soul-searching day. I am on a quest like no other. I am 42 years young and I need my purpose to be defined. I have been there for others and now I have to find the path that God wants to use me on. I need fulfillment. I want something for me, is that selfish. I want love, friendships, and purpose. Simple yet not reachable not on the level I am on now. I meet people only to build associations not deep connections. Lonely and peaceful at this same time. I must admit after losing so much I have built a fear on getting close to people because losing them hurts whether by death, disappointment or disassociation it creates a pain I don’t think I am willing to endure too many more times. So maybe this place of loneliness is self-created, some form of self-defense mechanism. My own personal shield, that has left me in a place of hiding. I want to come out of hiding so I have been on this soul-searching.

I began visiting a store-front church in Chicago. My first time visiting a year or more ago I was blessed by The Word of God yet I was turned away by the interaction with some of the church goers… Now that has since changed I go there JUST for the turn to your neighbors moments… Or hug three people. I needed the human connection. You never know how deprived you are until THAT person takes you in their arms and hugs you tight with a sincere love. Don’t take those moments of kindness for granted. Hug your neighbor. HUG them tight

Yet and still I dart out of the church like an awkward teenager, straight to the car. Not use to all the love, no it’s not that I just don’t want to care. Care means I have to get involved. Caring means becoming vulnerable. Caring means to love. Darn too late, I think I am loving this church. God is elevating my heart and my mind. I feel myself growing and being enriched. There is no drama I see at this moment and I LOVE THAT!!! NO judgment ZONE and we all need that to grow. I have been praying for God to send me to a people that need me, never did or could I imagine how much I needed them and the word that is being fed to me is LIKE WOW…Their tagline for the ministry is, “A Place to Become” My God what are You up and who am I becoming on this NEXT level…

I am excited about who I AM BECOMING…

 

Purposely Imposed Destiny (PID)

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purpose

Many of our successes or failures have come from a word or a gesture. I am reminded of hearing a story from Barron Batch. He spoke of the start of his NFL football career starting as a young boy walking across the dusty fields of West Texas, he had tennis shoes that flipped and flopped. Probably the only pair he had. As he made his way home a Coach noticed him and met his need. Invested in him by buying him a pair of shoes and look at him today… Now that Coach could have turned a cold heart and went home or judge the young man from a place yet he saw a need that was hindering a potential…The coach was his inspiration. Challenges in life brings out determination. Once this need was met next came great effort which lead to great success. As a young teenager, I was met with many challenges, good and bad experiences. A child should never be told by a counselor her changes of failure was great because of her color and size. It has a way of hindering a growing mind. Yet as I write these words I am not angry with her, I am disappointed but I harbor no hate. I took what the devil meant for harm and made it work because I am not a failure I am the daughter of a King. The words that was imbedded in me from my Mom as a young child and the words I spoke bold I,”I can do all things through Jesus Christ that strengthens me, The reason why those words that adult counselor spoke into my ear as an eighth grader’s haunted me but did not destroy me. Words have power and actions do as well. I am a lioness and I am a conqueror in Christ Jesus. Yes those words challenged me to have the lioness heart I have today, but I was only a cub then forced to roar before my time. Those words meant to intimidate me was breeding ground to grow me. To inspire others. I know as adults we see children like this all the time. Whether it is a physical need or an emotional investment. Be kind with our words and swift with our actions. Some children may require a lot of time, effort and resources, others may not. No matter big or small, would you pass by the chance to invest into the next generation. Would you take the time to care? Would you take the time to make a difference?

(It takes one to care One to make a difference, Will that one be you?)