Tag Archives: motivation

DIARY

Posted on by
1

 

I Am Becoming

Aneatria A. Johnson

Diary of a Rib In Waiting

I AM WOMAN (Series)

  July 9, 2018

Yesterday was Sunday, and it was again like the past couple of weeks another soul-searching day. I am on a quest like no other. I am 42 years young and I need my purpose to be defined. I have been there for others and now I have to find the path that God wants to use me on. I need fulfillment. I want something for me, is that selfish. I want love, friendships, and purpose. Simple yet not reachable not on the level I am on now. I meet people only to build associations not deep connections. Lonely and peaceful at this same time. I must admit after losing so much I have built a fear on getting close to people because losing them hurts whether by death, disappointment or disassociation it creates a pain I don’t think I am willing to endure too many more times. So maybe this place of loneliness is self-created, some form of self-defense mechanism. My own personal shield, that has left me in a place of hiding. I want to come out of hiding so I have been on this soul-searching.

I began visiting a store-front church in Chicago. My first time visiting a year or more ago I was blessed by The Word of God yet I was turned away by the interaction with some of the church goers… Now that has since changed I go there JUST for the turn to your neighbors moments… Or hug three people. I needed the human connection. You never know how deprived you are until THAT person takes you in their arms and hugs you tight with a sincere love. Don’t take those moments of kindness for granted. Hug your neighbor. HUG them tight

Yet and still I dart out of the church like an awkward teenager, straight to the car. Not use to all the love, no it’s not that I just don’t want to care. Care means I have to get involved. Caring means becoming vulnerable. Caring means to love. Darn too late, I think I am loving this church. God is elevating my heart and my mind. I feel myself growing and being enriched. There is no drama I see at this moment and I LOVE THAT!!! NO judgment ZONE and we all need that to grow. I have been praying for God to send me to a people that need me, never did or could I imagine how much I needed them and the word that is being fed to me is LIKE WOW…Their tagline for the ministry is, “A Place to Become” My God what are You up and who am I becoming on this NEXT level…

I am excited about who I AM BECOMING…

 

Purposely Imposed Destiny (PID)

Posted on by
Reply

purpose

Many of our successes or failures have come from a word or a gesture. I am reminded of hearing a story from Barron Batch. He spoke of the start of his NFL football career starting as a young boy walking across the dusty fields of West Texas, he had tennis shoes that flipped and flopped. Probably the only pair he had. As he made his way home a Coach noticed him and met his need. Invested in him by buying him a pair of shoes and look at him today… Now that Coach could have turned a cold heart and went home or judge the young man from a place yet he saw a need that was hindering a potential…The coach was his inspiration. Challenges in life brings out determination. Once this need was met next came great effort which lead to great success. As a young teenager, I was met with many challenges, good and bad experiences. A child should never be told by a counselor her changes of failure was great because of her color and size. It has a way of hindering a growing mind. Yet as I write these words I am not angry with her, I am disappointed but I harbor no hate. I took what the devil meant for harm and made it work because I am not a failure I am the daughter of a King. The words that was imbedded in me from my Mom as a young child and the words I spoke bold I,”I can do all things through Jesus Christ that strengthens me, The reason why those words that adult counselor spoke into my ear as an eighth grader’s haunted me but did not destroy me. Words have power and actions do as well. I am a lioness and I am a conqueror in Christ Jesus. Yes those words challenged me to have the lioness heart I have today, but I was only a cub then forced to roar before my time. Those words meant to intimidate me was breeding ground to grow me. To inspire others. I know as adults we see children like this all the time. Whether it is a physical need or an emotional investment. Be kind with our words and swift with our actions. Some children may require a lot of time, effort and resources, others may not. No matter big or small, would you pass by the chance to invest into the next generation. Would you take the time to care? Would you take the time to make a difference?

(It takes one to care One to make a difference, Will that one be you?)

I Stopped Talking

Posted on by
Reply

 shh

I STOPPED TALKING

Me, Oh yes me! I have nothing else to say. Well, I actually do have something of relevance to say, I just decided it was time to hold back.  I am drained. I recently lost my mother right before Christmas and that loss has hit me hard. I am nowhere close to getting over it emotionally or under it as understanding the WHY. One thing is for certain, I learned a lot about people, during My Mom’s illness, and after her passing. It is the reason I have stopped talking. I wish I had more people in my life that were a comfort to me as I am to them, yet I do find solace in praying.  I found myself putting unrealistic expectations in those I have invested a lot of heart into (notice I didn’t say time or money) hoping to receive back what I shared in them. That was definitely not the case. WAIT this is not one of those bitter rants. There is a silver lining at the end of this. Now I wanted to get bitter. Oh, Baby yes I wanted to rain down all the ill will that was building inside of me, but I couldn’t. Yes, I could not, meaning I had control of what the outcome was going to be, self-control at its finest. So I stopped talking. I stopped answering the phone and responding to text messages. I stopped. It was making me angry like THE HULK.  Broken promises, excuses and the rudest words of comfort were becoming insulting. I even had two marriage proposal and solicitation of sex, and family members asking me to help them get to my mom’s funeral, I couldn’t make this up if I wanted to…so I stopped talking. I blocked and deleted and set up boundaries. Then I did the best thing I could do, I went into prayer mode. I created an environment of peace among the madness. I was in search of my sanity.

There is one thing about grieving it comes in spurts of emotions. I would find myself buried in sorrow and then guilt and then anger…all I wanted to do was WAKE Up out of this horrible nightmare. I needed to talk, I wanted to talk but I had no one to listen to Neat. I would have a call come in or go out to eat and the conversation was about them…smh!!! So I initiated the silence mode…I stopped talking about me. I listened. I have learned not everyone is equipped to hear the sorrow within me. Most people are used to me being the motivator, the cheerleader, the minister, the comforter, the interceder/prayer warrior but not Neat the griever. Again I found myself in prayer. Seeking and searching for a form of comfort/comforter. I needed to be replenished I needed to be restored…I stopped talking. I stopped saying things of substance and just decided to be…

BE WHAT

TO BE Quiet

Waiting on the instructions of GOD as I go through the healing process. Sometimes it is necessary so we will not say things we will live to regret. Our words have power and should be spoken with authority and released responsibly.

Yes, it can be that simple            shh…

Proverbs 29:11; Proverbs 10:19; I Chronicles 16:11; Ecclesiastes 3:7; Luke 5:16

Hello World

Posted on by
Reply

I finally decided to introduce my thoughts to the world. First, let me introduce myself. My name is Aneatria Johnson. Hence the nickname NEAT being born from my name.  I am simple yet complicated. Funny I know but in time it will be made clear. I enjoy life. Yeah, I guess that is better than me expecting death. I am a 41-year-old single mother, a nurse, and minister. Which I must say is my greatest joy in life.  I was thrown into writing because it is my release. I have so many ideas and thoughts in my head that it is easier for me to just write rather than talk them out. I am simple yet neat. Unique in I am ME!!!  Not much different from those who have decided to read this blog. Yet I am going to open up myself to you. I have had many obstacles in life and some hit me hard, to the point of shacking me to the core. I am not perfect on my goodness I am not. My faith is what keeps me grounded. My faith is what keeps me strong.  I want to be an example for others kind of like an inspiration. I absolutely love life and interacting with people.  I want to share my life and experiences in real time (not the social media front) but real life, success, and failures. I take this time to send out a personal invitation for you to walk in a Simply Neat Life with me…insight foresight and hindsight lets see were wisdom can take us…